A week with cloth diapers

The cloth diapers are going sooo well and Im so glad that we switched on over! It really was the best decision we could have made for our little zoey. I do wash every day, though we do have enough to do every other. Im a really stickler when it comes to house work. I like everything neat and clean and in its place at the end of the day or i stay up and it gives me anxiety. like right now, jim did the dishes and the bottles arent put away and i know they are dry....ughhh....

i think i may be done my christmas shopping. i ordered everything from amazon, and if it didnt have prime shipping it didnt get ordered...lol...now to sit and wait for the ups man to deliver it, and maybe i can talk him into wrapping them...lol...

Milk is back down again which im less then excited about. still taking the 12 motilium a day but only getting 3 oz every 4 hours and she eats about 5 oz now. so i have to power pump more now and keep drinking fluids and hopefully get somewhere cause its really getting desperate. i just wished she latched right away, but then again im not sure i was ever going well. like my breasts never changed during my pregnancy which i think its weird. i have a large chest to begin with and everyone said theyd grow, but they didnt at all. sighs....I have stopped leaking but still with the same amount of milk so at least im not wasting any. In my weakest moments i just sit and cry while pumping. or crying trying to get her to latch. while ill never know how much she is really getting, every night she just wants to nurse on her mommy for comfort to sleep which is probably a bad habit but its that closeness i desperately seek. im secretly wishing to give up. im so envious of women who just nurse anytime they want and not have a problem.but i have known women who needed help with the milk supply and nursed other children fine. sighs...  but this is the one thing that i can give my daughter that no one else can. and yes i understand formula is not poison, but i have to be totally honest and look down on mothers who use it, myself included. i hate hate hate when i have to. i just really think that formula is a cop out. god blessed you with breasts to feed the infant he gave you, how dare you not even attempt to give your child the best. i guess its why im seeking fulfillment with the cloth diapering. anything i can do in my power to give her a better life is what i will do no matter what the cost. though im sure my husband would think otherwise. he does want me to relax and just give her formula. but im not sure how i could handle the guilt. but if and when i ever give up any breast milk ill certainly know i gave it every ounce of strength that i have. This site has helped some, and i feel grateful that my milk supply is greater then hers started with so there is hope. and there are women who have been in my shoes before.