Every breastfeed makes a difference

Well today Zoey is 5 months old! woo hoo! But also marks the 10 lb mark that ive gained since i lost all my pregnancy weight. My motilum prescription makes me gain weight.  And Im just really really getting discouraged. Ever since my period started my milk supply seems to have dipped, and has dried up a little with being so sick with zoey the past 2 weeks. I really think im hitting the wall soon. Im getting tired of being hooked to my pump and gaining the weight. My skin isnt the same either. i hate all these break outs. the pumping during my period and ovulation is painful and i cry through it. im tired of the 16 pills a day with the headaches. im exhausted with pumping every 4 hours with no sleep while my daughter has been sleeping through the night for 3 months now. Im stuck on the edge of being a martyr and a sane woman. Im not sure I will be able to make it to the full year i swore up and down i would do.

I feel like such a failure. but really anyone who has been in my shoes has long quit by now. I do believe that breast is best, but feel maybe the motto should really be every breastfeed makes and made a difference. really every drop she has had has been an incredible journey. I need more freedom, i need my husband and marriage back, and selfishly maybe i need myself back. I feel bitter my breastfeeding never went as planned.i really plan now on setting my final goal till 6 months. I have accomplished so much more then i ever thought, and weve made it through so much. while i dont want to give it up my daughter deserves a sane mom and my poor husband deserves a wife back.

Jim and I are beginning to plan the next addition to our growing family. We plan on getting pregnant at the end of this year and delivering around when zoey is around 2 years old. But it is very very important to me that i lose as much of my weight as possible. While its been a looong time since ive been a size 2 Id at least like to get a comfortable weight. Which is weighing on my mind. I want to have the healthiest for future babies, am I cutting zoey short? while i do think breast milk is best, it isnt a cure all. I feel like parents are crazy for breastfeeding but then will feed them mcdonalds, defeating the whole idea.


This is a great article i found on the beast feeding debate, made me feel a little less guilty  :)

Im a strong woman and a great mom, and made the best of a horrible situation. Ive given my daughter the very best I could give. and While it was difficult I gave it every ounce of my strength. I wish things it could have gone different. but there is always a next time. But i am so thankful for making it this far!