my bitter sweet day

today was a really sweet day. zoeys been teething so its been a rough couple days. jims alarm went off early today and woke our sleeping princess. so she was cranky and he went and got her a bottle while i changed her. she drank her 6 oz of formula but was still feeling a little restless, irritated she still had 4 more hours of sleep left. i was also feeling a little uncomfortable in my chest. i could feel there was not a lot but some milk in there. not wanting to have to unpack my pump and put it all back together i though well it doesnt hurt to see if she will latch one last time. thinking to myself i dont have any idea where the nipple shield is, i prayed that she would latch onto me. so i picked up my little miss and placed her in the football hold on a pillow. took a deep breath...and she latched. for the first time, on me.... perfectly. there was no pain and my nipple didnt come out like a chewed tube of lipstick. she nursed very quickly, much quicker then the pump and not as strong. my heart melted the minute i saw the little drips of the last of my milk dribble out of the side of her mouth. we had made it, she finally learned. those last little drops were worth every minute of my bitter fight to breast feed. while the moment only lasted several minutes, i just felt a total peace over the whole situation. as my little girl nursed herself to sleep once last time in my arms, and i was finally thankful for all i was able to provide for her. i cuddled up next to her and thanked God for every drop she received. im sobbing writing this, hormones ugh, but i cant describe how i feel. while after her nap i offered again and she not so politely refused. i feel so blessed to had not only a very healthy pregnancy and delivery, but a beautiful thriving daughter. there are so many families out there who are not nearly as blessed as we are. While breast feeding was such a blessing in my life, there are so many other things to be thankful for in our lives. Zoey Jane was blessed with both sets of grandparents, and 2 great grand fathers and 4 great grandmothers and lots of aunts and uncles who all love her. Shes growing right on schedule, and completing her milestones ahead of time. She has a beautiful home and an acre yard to play in with a pool, and 2 dogs and a cat to play with...well ok 1 dog and a cat i will let her play with, tank is just too big for her still. and she has parents who love each other very much. ( i mean really the first year of our marriage i was pregnant and the 2nd we have a baby, and hopefully, the 3rd year pregnant again and 4th with a baby...we live with the motto go big or go home around here... lol) with so much to be thankful for it seems a little silly for me to have this hang up about the breastfeeding. the Collison family fought a good fight together, as a team and every time Zoey looks up at me with her big hazel eyes and grins her silly puffy gummed toothless grim, it really reminds me how far we all came...as a family. and for that im so very very thankful.

on another note. the weight loss situation is going well, im still on track and it was nice enough to take zoey and roxy on a walk today. tank is too difficult to walk without the baby but im considering him next time..lol. he walks very nicely on a leash (but hates other males, so he may yank your arm out of the socket as his 200 lb body runs after another dog) but roxy is a zig zag walker who has to sniff everything as we go by ugh! it was cute to see her keep looking in the stroller to make sure her new friend is still doing ok.

I ordered some shoes for zoey off of amazon for the summer and spring time with a 20% off coupon. they are really cute. the T straps are for her easter dress..to which i still am not sure what we are doing and what she is wearing, though i do have like 5 dresses to chose from...lol. and the 2nd pair are a pair of roxy shoes that are more casual but sooo stinking cute.

then i have 2 weddings to go to this year, and i ordered this dress. but hopefully it will only fit for the first one :) my girlfriend at work ordered it for her prom, but its after the wedding. and i cant ask her to wear it before she gets too...lol! oh well. hope it looks good, but if not i can return it. by then i hopefully will be 20 lbs down and tan :)